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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29061183">bear my burdens for a moment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsumes/pseuds/natsumes'>natsumes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Contains mild spoilers, Found Family, Gen, Introspection, which will be listed in the notes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:13:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,545</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29061183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsumes/pseuds/natsumes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>for as long as he could remember, natsume has always had to keep his ability to see youkai hidden away from others. if he didn't have a careful hold on this secret, natsume's life would be shaken out of balance.</p><p>once natsume moves in with the fujiwaras, he believes that this will be the last move and that he'll succeed in keeping the secret close to him. after an unlucky occurrence, natsume must make the difficult decision to leave. </p><p>au / canon divergence where natsume makes the decision to leave before the fujiwaras are harmed by the knowledge of his hidden ability.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fujiwara Shigeru &amp; Fujiwara Touko &amp; Natsume Takashi, Madara "Nyanko-sensei" &amp; Natsume Takashi, Natori Shuuichi &amp; Natsume Takashi, Natsume Takashi &amp; Taki Tooru &amp; Tanuma Kaname, all relationships are strictly platonic and familial</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>bear my burdens for a moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hellooooo!! i just finished natsuyuu like a week ago and wow.... many thoughts i have so many thoughts and emotions but the main one is sadness )): this fic was inspired by an ask that i received from a lovely anon, who presented the idea that what natori said to natsume in the hot springs could be perceived as an offer just in case anything went wrong. initially, i thought it was pretty mean of natori to say that to him but after i read that ask i was like oh shit,,, oh fuck,,,,, so then i thought about... well.... what if things were different and natsume Did have to seriously consider natori's offer?? so after spending a lot of time thinking about that, that's how.... all this happened gfdgfdgfd</p><p>anyway, a few notes!!</p><p>first, this fic contains spoilers, but they're pretty mild! the episodes i referenced are:<br/>-s2 ep 3<br/>-s3 ep 12<br/>-s5 ep 8</p><p>second, all relationships in this fic (and future ones) are strictly platonic / familial!!</p><p>third, the title was inspired by keshi's 'atlas'!! i'vebeen listening to a lot of his music lately and this line really stood out to me. i feel like it fits this fic especially because natsume opens up bit by bit so it's like... bear my burdens... for a moment... because natsume views his struggles as burdensome when really his friends are open to helping him ('':</p><p>lastly!!! i would like to give a big thank you to my lovely friend miss kaitlin for helping me beta this!!! &lt;3 words cannot express my gratitude for how thankful i am &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“if you ever become tired of lying, know that you can come to live with me.”</em>
</p><p>the words rang through natsume’s head in that moment, along with a plethora of other thoughts that he couldn’t keep up with. everything was so much, too much: his heart was pounding so intensely that he could hear it and he could feel an ache starting to bloom in his chest. he could hear the fujiwaras speak, but he somehow had difficulty understanding what they were saying to him. he could feel something on his forehead—sweat? was he sweating? why was he sweating? he needed to calm down, he didn’t need them noticing that and worrying. he needed to…. he needed to—</p><p>“i’m sorry, touko-san, shigeru-san,” natsume barely managed to gasp out, trying to stabilise his voice; it betrayed him, as he could hear the cracks of anxiety in his voice. “i… i’ll clean everything up… i’m sorry… but i… i need some time…”</p><p>it was difficult for him to ask for something for himself, but he <em>really</em> needed to be alone right now or else he’d probably have a panic attack. the adrenaline from the incident was still rushing through him and led to the heightening of his senses. as a result, natsume was able to hear, see, and feel everything more acutely than usual, and it was too much to experience all at once. </p><p>he clenched his teeth while he hid his hands behind his back, gripping the back of his shirt in an attempt to ground himself as his foster parents looked at him with much more concern than he wanted them to be experiencing. blades lined with guilt sliced at the seams that kept his heart together; he couldn’t bear it. </p><p>the two nodded and started to walk away, touko mentioning that she’d start preparing dinner. shigeru said something about things being okay in an attempt to ease his worries, but natsume was unable to respond verbally and nodded instead. </p><p>they were concerned and it was <em>all his fault.</em> he should have been more careful. he should have been more persistent with getting the youkai to leave. or maybe he should have ran out of the house, leading the youkai out. the demon was chasing him after all, so they would have followed him wherever he went. why didn’t he think of that? why wasn’t he more careful?</p><p>natsume squeezed his eyes shut as he clenched his teeth, shaky hands balled into tight fists. everything was ruined. why did things have to go so wrong? </p><p>natsume felt so frustrated with himself. yet <em>again,</em> he was unable to keep the youkai a secret from his family. he’d failed to keep it hidden and as a result of his incompetence, his home life was thrown out of balance, <em>again.</em></p><p>the looks on their faces, natsume couldn’t forget them if he’d wanted to. no matter how hard he tried, it was all he could see when he closed his eyes. the way they looked at him with such surprise… such… concern. he couldn’t even imagine what they were thinking, about how they witnessed him yelling at seemingly nothing, about how their beloved home was trashed because of him.</p><p>it was <em>all because of him.</em> because of him, they were now confused and more worried about him than they should be. because of him, everything was a mess: their home, their lives, their understanding of him. all of it was distorted. </p><p>as natsume finished cleaning up, trying to erase the traces of what he couldn’t speak of, he felt a sort of hollowness in his chest. as he rose from the floor, he blankly stared at the doorway that led to the hall, which allowed him to see just a bit into the kitchen. he was able to see shigeru and touko. a sense of dread settled comfortably on his shoulders as he watched them converse with each other as they both prepared dinner together. the pair stood side by side, in front of the counter by the sink, the soft glow of the kitchen illuminating them. they were conversing with ease, sharing a soft smile here and there. </p><p>tears welled in natsume’s honey eyes as he watched the two exist in such peace. </p><p>was it fair for him to stay here, now that they’d witnessed how destructive his presence could be? </p><p>was it fair for him to stick around to wait and see if something worse would happen? </p><p>was it fair for his existence to possibly ruin their sense of peace, forever?</p><p>gripping the soft fabric of his pants, natsume blinked away sea salt tears, walking upstairs to his room. </p><p>/</p><p>hours had passed since the incident and natsume was currently lying in his futon, his thick blanket pulled up to his chin, providing him much needed warmth along with a sense of security. the heaviness of the night had settled in his room, the moon softly illuminating the darkness. touko had checked up on him to notify him that dinner was ready, but he’d told her that he wasn’t hungry. it wasn’t a lie; his stomach was empty but he felt no desire to fill it.</p><p>she left without resistance, simply pausing for a moment before nodding. as she closed the door, she told him that she would leave a plate for him in the fridge so he could have something to eat once he was hungry again. he nodded and quietly thanked her.</p><p>once natsume had gone up to his room after he'd finished cleaning up, he made a decision. natsume recalled the cutting words that natori had said to him the night that they visited the hot springs together to exorcise the youkai that resided there. </p><p><em>“if you ever become tired of lying, know that you can come live with me.”</em> </p><p>natsume spent the next hour or so packing and thinking over natori’s words. when he’d first heard that, he couldn’t help but feel hurt at being called a liar; the accusation pierced his heart and his tongue stung as he bit down on it, willing the tears to not fall. he’d heard those words before too many times from all sorts of people, but it never failed to cause his heart to ache. </p><p>but after some time, natsume reflected on those set of words and realized them for what they were: an offer just in case anything went wrong. if things were to fall to destruction, natsume would have a safe place to go to. </p><p>of course. as a person who could see youkai, nothing was set in stone, nothing was for certain. no matter how hard natsume tried, he couldn’t keep the secret of youkai away from others. separating himself from them was impossible, meaning that his happiness and sense of security would always be hanging by a thread. he’d learned this time and time again throughout the years. </p><p>why did he think this time was any different? just because the fujiwaras liked him more than his other relatives? </p><p>the blond looked over to the clock that hung on his wall and squinted so he could see the time. the hands pointed towards <em>11:07 pm.</em> the fujiwaras were definitely asleep at this point. </p><p>slipping out of his futon, natsume quietly rose to his feet. he was already dressed in clothes that were suitable to be worn outside. he'd chosen a salmon pink shirt, which he'd covered with a cream jacket. scanning the room, he located a sleeping nyanko sensei and walked over to him. </p><p>the youkai cat was out during the whole commotion and didn’t return until less than half an hour ago, when natsume was already resting in the comfort of his futon. natsume decided he would explain the situation to nyanko sensei as they made their way to natori’s house. </p><p>poking at the youkai, natsume gently shook him in an attempt to wake him. </p><p>“nyanko sensei, wake up,” the blond whispered. <em>“nyanko sensei.”</em> </p><p>the cat stirred awake, mumbling incoherent words that natsume struggled to understand. </p><p>“come on, we’re leaving,” natsume whispered, walking over to his desk where he grabbed his pastel green bag. he placed the strap over his shoulder, securing it properly. </p><p>“what?” the youkai asked, suddenly awake. “where are you going? it’s night time, the streets are swarming with youkai, idiot.” </p><p>“i know,” natsume responded as he walked over to him, scooping the cat up in his arms. “but we have to leave, <em>now."</em> </p><p>nyanko sensei looked up at the young boy curiously, eyes narrowed at him.</p><p>“what do you mean?”</p><p>natsume held back his answer. rather, the variety of words he could say filled his throat like cotton, making it difficult for him to speak. the blond made his way to the window at the far end of the room, the socks on his feet softening the sound that was produced as they made contact with the hardwood floor.</p><p>once he reached the window, natsume bent his knees a bit so he could reach for his spare shoes that he placed behind his shelf. as the blond slipped them on, he thought over nyanko sensei's question.</p><p>finding himself haunted by the incident yet again, natsume bit down on his lip with much more force than he'd intended, flinching at the stinging sensation. the action didn't go unnoticed by the youkai and only caused his suspicion to rise. </p><p>with the free hand that had let go of nyanko sensei, natsume fumbled with the latch of the window, looking down to measure the distance he had to jump down from to reach the ground. the soft earth was much farther than he'd expected it to be. the blond's cruel—as always—anxiety led him to entertain the unfavorable idea of possibly failing to land safely. his mind and the internal organs of his stomach worked in tandem to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. </p><p><em>is this a bad idea?</em> </p><p>it was a question that had chained itself to his mind, refusing to leave no matter how many times he gave an answer. should he really stay? </p><p>growing impatient with the combination of the blond's silence and lack of action, nyanko sensei fiercely pawed at natsume's chest, making no effort to hide his annoyance. </p><p>"natsume, answer me!" the cat spat. </p><p>nyanko sensei's complaint pulled natsume back to reality, the blatant irritation on the youkai's face reminding him that he had to answer the question once and for all, and that he had to be <em>certain.</em> </p><p>natsume slowly closed his honey eyes, feeling the flutter of his eyelashes as they kissed his skin, and took a long, deep breath. </p><p>once he exhaled, he placed a slightly shaky hand on the window sill, biting his lip again. </p><p>"something… something happened earlier and… because of that, i can't stay here anymore," natsume answered. it pained him to say those words that he'd kept locked in the cage of his heart, stored away in an attempt to avoid it.  </p><p>finally speaking those words aloud reinforced the fact that this was all undeniably real, and that he couldn't pretend that it wasn't. </p><p>natsume could no longer shove away the pain that this decision of his was going to cause. his grip tightened on the side of the window as the reality of the situation slowly settled into the cracks of his heart. </p><p>natsume felt like a fool for trying to convince himself that he could just ignore his pain and the relentless anxiety that followed. he couldn't… he couldn't ever avoid youkai or the chaos that they brought into his life. </p><p>"what do you mean by that—"</p><p>before nyanko sensei was given the chance to finish his question, natsume haphazardly shoved the window open. quickly placing his free hand on the window sill with a firmness he didn't expect—especially not now—natsume jumped out the window. </p><p>natsume could feel the rush of the evening wind as he fell from the window. the intense pumping of his heart in his chest became erratic as he reached closer and closer to the earth with each passing second. it served as a reminder that he was alive. even after everything.</p><p>before he knew it, the blond had landed perfectly on his feet, a skill he’d acquired from all the youkai he had to outrun in order to stay alive. </p><p>“hey, tell me what’s going on!” nyanko sensei demanded as natsume started walking away from the fujiwaras’ home. </p><p>the youkai watched as natsume stopped walking for a moment, half lidded eyes looking ahead. there was a soft, but melancholic smile on his face. </p><p>natsume desperately wanted to turn around. he wanted to take one last glance at the residence that became his first home after he'd separated from his parents. it was the first house that actually fit the definition of home. whenever natsume entered through the front door, he immediately felt the comfort of security and warmth. he didn't feel on edge or unwelcome like he did at all of his previous foster homes. </p><p>natsume clenched his fist, nails digging into his skin, the stinging sensation reminding him that he was here, that he was alive. </p><p>before his anxiety could torment him again, natsume stayed firm in his decision and started walking. </p><p>"did you not hear me?!" the youkai tried again. "i thought you liked it here, why are you suddenly leaving? does this mean i won’t get to eat touko’s fried shrimp anymore?!”</p><p>natsume felt his heart sink at the mention of his foster mother's name.</p><p>“yeah, sorry, nyanko sensei,” natsume answered, remorse clear in his voice. </p><p>/</p><p>unlocking the door—but not without a bit of struggle—the exorcist pushed it open and was greeted by his glaringly empty apartment. </p><p>closing the door behind him, natori slipped his shoes off, reaching down to neatly set them to the side. the exorcist then proceeded to slip on his pair of in house slippers. </p><p>shuffling over to the kitchen, he took off his forest green jacket and placed it over one of the chairs by the dining table. </p><p>the blond walked a short distance to get to the sink. once he stopped a few inches close to it, he was able to easily reach for the door of one of the cabinets that towered above him. tired amber eyes scanned the selection of drink wares to choose from: two tall clear glasses, two wine glasses, and a white mug with a dog's face printed on the center of it. </p><p>reaching for the mug, natori placed his free hand on the smooth wooden surface of the door and closed it. </p><p>crossing the short distance to the sink, natori held the cup at a safe distance under the water filter and switched it on, placing a hand on his hip as he waited for the cup to be filled. </p><p>the exorcist recalled the long day that he just had the misfortune of experiencing. the time he spent at his acting job wasn't bad, just tiring, with how many times they had to run over certain lines. this film they were currently working through seemed to have quite a few parts that were difficult to perform well. </p><p>regardless, he felt that it was a successful work day and that he and his colleagues were able to do well, despite everything. </p><p>natori recalled the end of his shift where he and his coworkers complimented each other for getting through the work day. they all wore bright smiles on their faces and he did his best to mirror them, but…</p><p>sigh escaping his lips, he closed his eyes for a moment.</p><p>it was never enough. no matter how many smiles he faked or conversations he participated in, there was always that haunting feeling of disconnect that invited itself into the cracks of his heart, filling up the empty vessel. </p><p>once his mug was filled, natori switched off the filter and made his way over to the sofa. taking a seat at the corner of it, he crossed one leg over the other and took a sip of water. </p><p>the blond recalled the events of his exorcist job and wanted to sigh. today's assignment proved to be… not necessarily difficult, but <em>annoying.</em> the youkai that he had the task of exorcising was a known trickster, one that liked to play around and tease humans, <em>especially exorcists.</em> </p><p>it had almost gotten away a handful of times, and it was moments like these where he was especially grateful for his team of reliable shiki.</p><p>pulling the cup away from his lips, natori gazed ahead, eyes focusing on the window across from him, noticing that the moon peeked through the blinds. </p><p>
  <em>grateful for youkai… huh… how ironic.</em>
</p><p>the exorcist scanned the cream colored walls for his clock and saw that it was already 11:28 pm; he didn't realise just how late it already was. hopefully tomorrow will be an easier, shorter work day. </p><p>the number of sighs that natori had let out in the span of minutes served as a sign of just how exhausted he was. it never occurred to him how fatigued he was until he reached his apartment, which didn’t do him any good, since it meant that he was more open to take on any extra work that was assigned to him. </p><p>leaning back so that blond strands contrasted against soft cream fabric, natori’s eyes flitted towards the window that protected him from the chilly winds of the outside world. maybe taking on all this work wasn’t as bad as his body made it out to be, since the constant busyness, moving, and thinking meant that he wouldn’t have time to focus on the fact that he lacked genuine friends, or that he no longer had a family to meet with for warm gatherings, or that once his day—which only consisted of work—was over, he’d be met only with an empty apartment—</p><p>natori bit his lip lightly as a way to force the thoughts to stop before they escalated any further. it wasn’t doing him any good by giving such thoughts any of his time. </p><p>it’s not like it would change things anyway. </p><p>feeling that he'd spent enough time resting, the exorcist decided that it was time for a hot shower so he could finally sleep. </p><p>placing the empty cup on the coffee table in front of him, natori got up to head to his room. the apartment was silent with the exception of his feet making rhythmic contact against the floorboards. </p><p>the exorcist had been living alone in this apartment for quite a while now, but he found that he still hadn't properly gotten used to it. the silence that haunted the space left him feeling a bit uneasy, especially at night when it shifted from unsettling to eerie. </p><p>natori sighed as he entered his empty bedroom, save for his bed, a phone charger, a small stack of unfinished books—which he struggled to finish due to his persistent exhaustion—and a file of important documents.</p><p>it was always like this, no matter where he went. each residence felt foreign and was never the chance to become a home before he had to shift environments again. the blond was never able to enter his apartment and feel comfortable, like he belonged there. </p><p>he always felt out of place. </p><p>he thought it would change once he parted from his family, but after all these years, natori was unable to find a place he could call home. </p><p>a sense of sadness weighed on his shoulders and he tried to shrug it off, but failed. there was also the unshakable hollowness; if someone reached into his chest in search of his heart, they would leave disappointed. </p><p>sighing once again, shoulders still heavy regardless, the blond shuffled over to his closet and selected his choice of sleepwear for the night. eyeing the display of clothing before him, natori reached for a black shirt and burgundy pants that were soft to the touch. once he'd picked a set of fresh clothes, he reached for his lavender towel and left his room, closing the door behind him. the sound that it’d produced echoed through the apartment, serving as a reminder that he was alone. </p><p>as natori was about to reach his bathroom, he heard a quiet knock on his door.</p><p>stopping in the dimly lit hall, the exorcist slowly turned around. he eyed the door from his place in his apartment, suspicions rising quickly. who could that possibly be? who would be at his door at this hour? </p><p>walking through the hall, natori opened the door to his bedroom and set his clothes and towel on his futon before he soundlessly closed the door behind him.</p><p>with an exorbitant amount of caution, natori quietly walked towards the entrance of his apartment, his alertness heightened. </p><p>as he approached the wooden door, he reached for the doorknob, slowly turning it before pulling the door open. the action revealed a familiar duo and he had to stop himself from looking too startled at the unexpected sight.</p><p>“n...natsume?” natori asked, mind searching for an explanation that could possibly answer his questions as to why they’d be here. “what are you two doing here this late?”</p><p>natsume averted his gaze towards the floor while the cat youkai stared at him. </p><p>“i...i’m sorry to bother you this late, natori-san,” the blond mumbled. </p><p>“no, it’s not a bother at all; that’s not what i meant.” the exorcist clarified. “it’s late, meaning that a lot more youkai are out and about.”</p><p>“that’s what i told him, but it’s not like he’s the type of kid to listen,” nyanko sensei quipped.</p><p>the man waited for natsume to speak and as he did, all he could see was an accumulation of negative emotions present on the young boy’s face: remorse, fatigue, and sadness pervaded his usually soft features. </p><p>“come in,” natori offered. “you can explain to me then.” </p><p>the young blond nodded before stepping inside the apartment. natori closed the door as natsume carefully slipped off his shoes, moving just a bit to replace them with a pair of in house slippers. </p><p>“do you want something to drink? or something light to eat?”</p><p>“give me something sweet to drink,” nyanko sensei chirped. “and something yummy to eat, exorcist!” </p><p>natori shot a light glare at the cat, who stuck his tongue out in response. the man looked at natsume, whose gaze was still averted.</p><p>“natsume?” he tried carefully, speaking in a gentle tone. “if you'd like something, you can ask for it."</p><p>after a beat of silence, the young blond finally spoke. </p><p>“um… i’ll have water and… whatever else nyanko sensei is having,” he whispered. </p><p>natori nodded, heading to the kitchen. “okay. take a seat wherever you like and i’ll be there soon.”</p><p>natsume walked towards the cream colored sofa that was situated at the center of natori’s living room. he stopped before the sofa and carefully sat down, feeling stiff even as he made contact with the soft cushion. </p><p>the apartment was silent except for the sounds of nyanko sensei humming in excitement, along with natori preparing their refreshments and snacks. natsume’s unease grew as he realised that he had to explain the incident to natori, meaning that he had to relive it. again. </p><p>he couldn’t escape it and this is something that he had to accept. the reality of being able to see youkai was something that was painfully real, something that he could never run away from or hide no matter how hard he tried. </p><p>gripping the fabric of his pants, natsume willed himself to calm down before natori entered the room. he was at the exorcist’s house at a time that crossed the boundary of being inconsiderate. he was already disturbing the man by stopping by so late, he couldn’t cause him more trouble by crying. </p><p>taking a deep breath, the blond closed his eyes, slowly exhaling, allowing himself to feel the air that escaped his lungs. </p><p>at that moment, natori approached the pair with a tray of hot tea, water, and flavored milk. alongside the beverages were a small assortment of snacks. </p><p>the exorcist placed the tray on the coffee table that stood between them, and nyanko sensei immediately jumped off the sofa and onto the table. </p><p>natori took his cup of tea along with a snack and sat down on the sofa across from natsume. </p><p>"can you tell me what happened?" the older of the two asked before taking a sip of his tea. </p><p>natsume's gaze averted yet again, gentle eyes focused on nyanko sensei, who was completely immersed in drinking his strawberry milk. </p><p>fumbling with his hands, the young teen laced his fingers together, running his nails over his skin as he thought over the altercation. he tried to calm himself down before speaking; he didn't want to crumble, not here, not in front of someone else.</p><p>"well… um…" he started, eyes focusing on a slightly chipped finger nail. guilt was eating away at him, making it increasingly difficult to speak. here he was, taking up more of natori's time all because he couldn't get the right words out. he felt nauseous, he wanted to vanish. all he did was cause trouble for anyone he interacted with. </p><p>"earlier… at the fujiwaras'..." natsume started and natori noticed how the blond had said, "fujiwaras", and not, "home", like he usually did. "there was a youkai that broke in and i failed… i failed to get it out in time…" </p><p>the light haired boy felt his throat tightening, restricting air flow and words that he needed to get out. he swallowed, nails digging into his skin. </p><p>"and they saw. the… the fujiwaras came home before i managed to get the youkai to leave and… i should have been more careful... i didn't notice them and… they saw me talking to it, they saw the mess, they…" natsume recalled, heart rate gradually increasing as the memory filled his mind with a vividness he didn't want. "the way they looked at me… was the same way everyone else did once they started to hate me." </p><p>it was silent, save for nyanko sensei's chewing; maybe natori should have chosen a less crunchy snack to share with the pair, he noted. </p><p>the exorcist couldn't help but feel bad for natsume. he looked extremely stiff and the mix of negative emotions from before enhanced with each word he spoke. natsume looked like he was going to break down, but it was clear that he was trying to keep himself from doing so. </p><p>"i… i couldn't say anything and i couldn't handle hearing what they thought, so i asked them if they could give me some time alone while i cleaned everything up," the young blond continued. "i caught a glance of them preparing dinner together and… they just looked so happy. it made me scared; what if staying there would ruin that? i couldn't do that to them, not after everything they've done for me." </p><p>the exorcist watched as natsume's shoulders stiffened before they started to shake a bit. he tried to stabilise his actions, tried to will his body from slipping out of control. </p><p>"so… so i left… b-because…" natsume stuttered, teeth digging into the skin of his bottom lip as he tried to hold himself back from crying. natori frowned at the subtle actions, wondering if he should say something or not.</p><p>sniffling a bit, natsume continued. "so i left because… i didn't want to risk ruining their peace or happiness. i think… today… today was an example of what… could happen if i stayed there any longer…" </p><p>the young blond trailed off, eyes on his hands that rested in his lap. from this distance, natori could see slight traces of blood, likely from how intensely he had dug his nails into them out of the anxiety that resided within him.</p><p>"i see," was all natori said after a moment of silence, digesting the information. "do they… know you left?" </p><p>natsume shook his head, loose blond strands moving as he did. "no. i left a note in my room, though. i didn't tell them where i went but… i told them i was somewhere safe and that they didn't have to worry about me anymore."</p><p><em>and that i'm sorry,</em> natsume thought. </p><p>natori nodded as he processed natsume's words and thought of what to say in response. </p><p>"so…" natsume continued before natori could say anything. "i… i remembered what you said to me at the hot springs… about how i could um… live with you if… things went wrong and…" </p><p>natori could tell that natsume had difficulty finishing what was likely a request. he knew the boy rarely ever asked for things for himself, always putting others before him. </p><p>"are you asking to stay with me now that you have nowhere else to go?" natori asked, lifting a bit of pressure off of natsume's shoulders. or at least he hoped so.</p><p>natsume nodded slightly, still unable to look the exorcist in the eye. this was eating him up, he could tell. </p><p>"of course you can," natori smiled. "and you don't have to feel bad about asking, natsume. i offered it to you for a reason. i know how hard it can be to have the ability to see youkai when you can't tell anyone about it." </p><p>natsume nodded, biting his lip again. he looked like he was about to speak, but refrained from doing so. </p><p>"thank you…" he mumbled so softly that natori almost didn't hear him. "i'm sorry… for stopping by so late… i thought it'd be best to leave when they wouldn't notice so they couldn't stop me and..." </p><p>he gripped his hands harder, sniffles following. </p><p>"i… i couldn't bear to see them before leaving… it… it would have made it harder to go." </p><p>at that, natsume finally broke. it was a gradual build up of grief that eventually led to unrestrained sobs. natsume's hands gripped at his pants as he turned away so natori couldn't see his face, his shame, or his remorse. the young boy's shoulders shook with intensity as sobs freed themselves from his restraint. </p><p>natori didn’t know what to do. he briefly considered hugging natsume—after all, that’s what he did when others were upset while he was acting—but it didn’t feel appropriate at all. natori didn’t want to seem too overwhelming, and natsume didn’t seem like he was a physically affectionate person to begin with, so he didn’t want to make the teen even more uncomfortable than he already was. but the exorcist also didn’t want to come off as cold and uncaring by not doing anything at all, either. </p><p>so the older blond got up from his seat and crossed the short distance to the other sofa. he sat next to natsume, making sure there was a bit of distance between them. the exorcist carefully brought a hand up to gently pat natsume’s head as the younger of the two sobbed. the action felt foreign to him, but it seemed much more appropriate than a hug; it wasn’t too much, but it showed that he cared about natsume and wanted to comfort him in some way. </p><p>minutes passed as the teen continued to cry and natori made sure to look away as he did so, gently ruffling his hair, hoping that this was offering some sort of comfort and not the opposite. it'd been a while since someone's cried in front of him. </p><p>after a bit more time passed, natsume finally calmed down, the sobs lessening until they stopped completely. once they did, natori pulled his hand back. he waited as natsume brought an arm to his eyes, rubbing the tears away. </p><p>"um… sorry about that… natori-san. i… i didn't mean to um—" </p><p>"it's okay, natsume," natori said, gently stopping him from an unnecessary apology. "you don't need to apologize to me for crying, okay?" </p><p>natsume nodded slowly. </p><p>natori wasn't one who was good at comforting others and he wished he was because it really looked like that's what natsume was in need of right now. it was clear to the exorcist that the fujiwaras were extremely important to the young blond, and to lose people like them must have been devastating beyond comprehension.</p><p>all he had to offer was slightly awkward head pats, refreshments and snacks, and a place for him to stay. hopefully that was enough for now. </p><p>"now, it's getting late," natori said, placing his hands on his knees as he rose from the sofa. "you can sleep in the guest room, that'll be… your room."</p><p>natori made sure not to call it his <em>new</em> room; the adolescent didn't need a reminder that he could no longer go back to the place that he'd once so fondly called <em>home.</em></p><p>natsume nodded, mumbling a 'thank you'.</p><p>"and you can use the bathroom that's right beside it," he added. "do you have any clothes with you? or do you need to borrow some?" </p><p>the young blond shook his head. "i have my own, thank you."</p><p>"okay, good," the exorcist said. "i'm going to go shower and rest now. do you need anything else?" </p><p>natsume shook his head no, and natori nodded before taking his leave. </p><p>natsume sat on the sofa in silence, save for the sound of nyanko sensei's soft snoring and the sound of the door to natori's bathroom door closing, followed by the muffled sound of water running. </p><p>the blond felt a sort of… hollowness. he also somehow felt a bit of relief, of being able to talk about such a traumatic event and to finally cry. even though he was embarrassed and ashamed of doing so in front of the exorcist, he did feel better after doing so. </p><p>natsume let out a sigh as he leaned back on the soft furniture, red rimmed, honey eyes focusing on the ceiling of the living room. </p><p>he thought about the fujiwaras. he wondered how they would react to his disappearance. would they be relieved? glad that they wouldn't have to look after a troublesome person like him? happy that their peace was no longer at risk of being destroyed?</p><p>the blond let out another sigh as he rose from the sofa, dragging himself to the bathroom to shower so he could finally rest.</p><p>/ </p><p>taki slowly opened her eyes, vision a bit blurry with sleep. she blinked a few times to regain clarity.  </p><p>looking over to her left, taki located the clock that hung on the wall. the position of its hands indicated that it was currently 6:50 am.</p><p>the light haired girl let out a quiet sigh as she continued to lay in bed for just a bit longer, relishing in the warmth of her blanket. the comfort and warmth of a blanket was simple, yet difficult to let go of. </p><p>after a few more minutes, taki finally rose from her futon with sluggishness that was expected of someone who had just awoken at this hour. still heavy with sleep, taki stumbled to her bathroom. </p><p>/</p><p>once taki finished her morning routine, she ventured through the array of hallways in order to reach the kitchen. it was times like these where she was reminded of the grand size of her home.</p><p>upon entering the kitchen, the light haired girl walked over to the refrigerator to retrieve the food that she'd prepared the night before. </p><p>placing a plate in the microwave for a few minutes, she leaned back against the counter and patiently waited. taki took a moment to take everything in. she noticed how the morning sun streamed through the wide glass paned window, softening everything it touched with its gentle glow, making the room feel a bit more… homey. </p><p>taki's thoughts were interrupted by the ding of the microwave, which was followed by a series of beeping before the high pitched sounds stopped abruptly.</p><p>once the light haired girl finished properly plating her breakfast, she carried the plates over to the dining table and took a seat. </p><p>"thank you for the food," she whispered before starting her meal.</p><p>it was quiet with the exception of the sound of wooden chopsticks lightly making contact with ceramic. taki could also hear the bright chirping of the birds from the outside, but besides that, she was the only one in her home. </p><p>taki had gotten used to the silence that accompanied her home. it was a part of it at this point. when she got home from school, she was greeted by silence. when she went to sleep, the silence was more clear than ever. </p><p>it was lonesome, no doubt, but there were times where she found it to be comforting, like when she spent time cleaning the many halls of her home, or when she was in her backyard tending to her plants. </p><p>as she finished up her breakfast, taki carefully picked up her dishes and brought them over to the sink. she checked the time again. seeing that it was 7:20, she figured she could take care of her dishes and still make it without being tardy.</p><p>/</p><p>once taki finished the task of washing the dishes, she made her way to the entrance. after slipping on her shoes, the light haired girl picked up her school bag and opened the door to leave.</p><p>whispering an, 'i'll be back', taki slid the sliding door closed. she adjusted her grip on the handle of her bag and hopped down the porch of her home. she walked towards the gate and unlocked it once she reached it. after closing the gate and securing the lock, taki placed the key inside her bag and left.</p><p>taki walked the usual route to school. it was typically quiet around this time, save for a few students who were also on their way to school. the beginning half of her walk could be viewed as lonely, but taki had become accustomed to being alone. she found comfort in spending time with herself, especially as she gazed up at the sky, various flowers and plants, as well as anything else that caught her eye.</p><p>as for the remainder of her walk, taki would typically cross paths with tanuma and natsume. first she would meet tanuma, and then they would both greet natsume. </p><p>after ten minutes had passed, a familiar flash of jet black hair came into view. </p><p>"tanuma!" taki called as she approached her friend.</p><p>at the mention of his name, the dark haired boy turned around, hand resting in his pocket. he brought his free hand up to wave at her, a soft smile gracing his face. </p><p>"hey, taki," he greeted, walking towards her. </p><p>taki smiled in response and greeted him with a, ‘good morning’ as she started to walk to school with him.</p><p>their walks were usually quiet and it wasn't something that she disliked. she actually enjoyed it, glad that she could find comfort in silence with her friend. there were times where they would chat about events from the previous day, or they would walk in silence.</p><p>though, something felt different today and taki couldn't figure out what it was.</p><p>taki turned to tanuma, who had also turned to her at the same moment.</p><p>"oh…" he mumbled. "did you have something to say too?" </p><p>"oh… yeah but, you can go first," she offered.</p><p>tanuma smiled. "no it's okay, you go first."</p><p>taki nodded her thanks. </p><p>"i don't know how to explain it but… something feels… i feel… uneasy today," taki tried to explain, frowning as she placed a hand on her chin, her other arm across her chest, bag hanging from her hand. </p><p>"you too?" tanuma asked, causing taki to look at him, mirroring his look of surprise. "i was going to say the same thing."</p><p>taki's worry only escalated. </p><p>"are we… are we just…" taki fumbled. </p><p>"do you think it's related to natsume, somehow?" tanuma asked, speaking the words she was afraid to say.</p><p>"i hope not, i really really hope not," she answered. </p><p>/ </p><p>much to her dismay, taki was wrong. once they reached the area where they would meet with natsume, they saw that he hadn't shown up. after they both sent the blond a message on their phones, the pair anxiously waited in silence, hoping that he'd appear.</p><p>as they waited, tanuma ran his nails across his clasped hands while taki bit her lip, nails digging into her skin.</p><p>after ten minutes passed, natsume still wasn't in sight, and neither of them received a notification from him on their devices. </p><p>"maybe… he's already at school,"' tanuma suggested, hoping that one of them would believe it. "let's keep going, maybe we'll see him."</p><p>nodding, taki started to walk again, trying to calm her anxiety that refused to be silenced.</p><p>/</p><p>as the two reached the school, they both scanned the groups of students entering the building, searching for a familiar blond with a pastel green bag.</p><p>they didn’t find who they were looking for, but they were met with a familiar person neither of them expected to see. the familiarity should have brought relief, but it only solidified their anxious thoughts.</p><p>touko-san.</p><p>something was deeply wrong if she was here and natsume wasn't.</p><p>tanuma called out her name as they walked over to her. the older woman turned at the sound of her name, and they both felt their anxiety increase as they saw the look on her face.</p><p>"good morning, touko-san," the pair greeted in unison once they reached her.</p><p>"what brings you here?" taki barely managed to get out, trying to keep her voice steady. the visible distress on the older woman's face wasn't helping with quelling any of her worries that continued to grow.</p><p>"t.. takashi-kun… have either of you seen him?" touko asked.</p><p>they both shook their heads and taki couldn't help but dig her nails into her skin again.</p><p>tanuma felt something strike his heart as he saw the sadness that was transparent on touko’s face. he wanted to say something, so many things. he wanted to ask what happened but he also wanted to offer her comfort and reassurance.</p><p>“is… is there anything we can do?” he asked, careful with each word he spoke. </p><p>touko nodded before she reached into her bag and pulled out a cream envelope. </p><p>“if it’s not any trouble, could one of you give this to natsume?” the older woman asked. “please.”</p><p>the two nodded and taki reached out to accept it. as she did, her hand momentarily brushed against touko’s, and the kind woman took taki’s hand into both of hers. </p><p>“please… let him know that…” touko started, voice cracking a bit. she was doing her best to keep herself together, they noticed. “please let natsume know that we care about him, and for him to never forget that.”</p><p>they both nodded. </p><p>after she gave the pair her thanks, they watched as touko left the school grounds. once she was out of sight, they both looked at each other.</p><p>“do you think it’s a youkai?” taki asked, brows furrowed as she thought of any possible answer that would ease their confusion and worry. “natsume would never run away from the fujiwaras, he cares about them too much.”</p><p>tanuma frowned, his expression mirroring hers. “that seems most likely. he’s never talked about not liking it there.”</p><p>tanuma thought about all the times natsume talked about the fujiwaras. the blond didn’t talk about himself all that much, but when he shared bits of info about his foster parents, his face always lit up. it was a quiet glow, followed by a spring soft smile. </p><p>the dark haired boy bit his lip, worry quickly blooming in his chest.</p><p>“it… it’ll be fine, tanuma,” taki said, breaking his stream of thoughts. she had a look of sudden determination on her face. “we’ll… we’ll keep a lookout for him at school, just in case, but after class ends we can go and find nyanko sensei to figure something out, okay?”</p><p>taki held his gaze, eyes filled with hope that diminished some of the anxiety that had a strong hold on her.</p><p>tanuma was unable to extinguish his concerns no matter how hard he tried, but he wanted to believe that everything would be all right, that natsume would be safe. so he nodded and the two made their way to the entrance of the school.</p><p>/</p><p>the deafening sound of the school bell ringing throughout the hall served as a reminder to the students that they had an extremely low amount of time left before classes were to begin. taki ran through the empty hallway that was much too far from where she was supposed to be. </p><p>she’d spent time walking tanuma to his class, asking him if he’d be fine. he reassured her that he would manage and she felt so helpless. it was extremely unfortunate that they had school today, of all days. how were they expected to sit still in class while their cherished friend was missing, and his foster parents were filled to the brim with worry? maybe… maybe it wasn’t too late for her to go back and grab tanuma so they could leave the school. if they were careful enough—</p><p>as a result of being much too absorbed in her thoughts, taki didn’t notice that there was a person who was also running in the hallway, though they were entering from the opposite direction. as a result, the two collided into each other.</p><p>“oh no, i’m so sorry—”</p><p>taki’s eyes widened at the sound of the familiar voice and once she quickly looked up, she was greeted by a familiar face. </p><p>“n-natsume?!” she exclaimed a bit too loudly, but she couldn’t help it. she and tanuma had spent all morning worrying about his whereabouts, concerned about whether he was missing or worse, dead. </p><p>“taki?!” natsume responded in surprise, not expecting to bump into her. </p><p>the pair both got up from the ground and natsume picked up taki’s bag, while she picked up his, and they handed it to each other. </p><p>“natsume, i’m so relieved, we’ve been looking for you all morning,” the light haired girl explained. all the anxiety from earlier had vanished. she could finally message tanuma to assuage his worries.</p><p>“me?” he asked, tilting his head a bit to the side to signal his confusion. “what happened?”</p><p>taki blinked in surprise.</p><p>“you… weren’t with the fujiwaras, were you?” she inquired, invoking a look of shock from natsume. “touko-san. touko-san was here looking for you earlier.”</p><p>natsume stared at her with widened eyes, mouth agape. he struggled to speak, brain unable to process all the information that taki was relaying to him.</p><p>the light haired girl let out a gasp, startling the blond. she moved to reach for her bag, quickly unfastening it so she could obtain what she was tasked to give to him.</p><p>“here, before i forget,” taki said, handing the cream envelope to him. </p><p> staring at it, natsume moved his mouth to speak, hoping that something would come out this time.</p><p>“wh… what is it?” he managed.</p><p>“it’s a letter from touko-san,” taki answered softly and natsume felt a jolt of chills strike his spine, guilt rising in his chest. “she wanted me to give this to you and…”</p><p>taki paused, offering natsume a gentle smile.</p><p>“she wanted me to tell you that she and shigeru-san care for you very much, and that they never want you to think otherwise.”</p><p>as taki patiently waited for natsume to accept the envelope, she noticed that tears started to well in his eyes.</p><p>“n-natsume?!” the light haired girl exclaimed in a hushed whisper. “wh-what’s wrong?”</p><p>realising that he probably wouldn’t be able to answer, taki quickly scanned the halls, making sure that no one was around before she gently took natsume’s wrist in her hand. as fast and as soundlessly as she could, taki ran through the empty halls with natsume behind her, in search of a quiet area. </p><p>once they were out of the building, warm brown eyes scanned the vicinity for anyone else who might be around. thankfully, the school was mostly empty since everyone else was in class. </p><p>as taki continued the search for somewhere they could talk in peace, she felt her heart gradually sink as she heard natsume's quiet, but pained sobs. she'd never heard him cry before, and she never thought she would, especially with how much he kept his vulnerable emotions hidden from view.</p><p>walking a bit more, taki spotted a quiet, grassy area, the one where she, natsume, and tanuma would spend their lunch time together. </p><p>heading towards the area, taki made sure to stop at the grand sized tree since it would perfectly obstruct anyone’s view of them. </p><p>once they reached the shade provided by the tree, taki let go of natsume’s wrist and he brought an arm up to his teary eyes, looking away from the light haired girl. taki did the same.</p><p>as taki looked towards the building of the school that they’d just exited from, she felt a heavy sadness flood her heart as she listened to natsume’s cries, patiently waiting for them to subside, for his pain to cease. she wanted to do something, to offer him some sort of comfort, but when he’d turned away, it was clear that he didn’t want to be seen right now and she was going to respect that.</p><p>a few minutes passed until natsume’s sobs gradually became more controlled before they ceased completely. once they did, taki waited for a few seconds before slowly turning around so that she was facing the blond. as she established eye contact with him, she saw that his eyes were rimmed with a muted red, along with a sadness she couldn’t reach. </p><p>“natsume, do you want to sit for a bit before going back to class?” she suggested. “or did you want to talk? it doesn’t have to be about what happened, it could be about anything else. or we can just sit in silence together, whichever one is more comfortable for you.”</p><p>it was clear that natsume wasn’t in a state where he’d be able to go back to class. the blond avoided attention at all costs and the sight of inflamed cheeks and teary eyes would certainly garner a lot of it. taki patiently waited for his response as he wiped at his eyes, the sniffles that followed speaking for him. </p><p>taki moved to sit down on the grass first and natsume followed silently. she bent her legs before pulling them to her chest so that she could rest her chin on her knees. taki watched as natsume positioned himself so that he was sitting cross legged. </p><p>the two sat in silence, one that was comfortable, surprisingly. taki closed her eyes, letting out a quiet sigh as she allowed herself a moment of peace. after everything that had occurred this morning, taki was just relieved that she’d found natsume and that he was okay. </p><p>a few moments later, natsume’s petal soft voice gently broke the shared silence. </p><p>“um… thank you… taki…” natsume mumbled, and taki looked up to see that his position now mirrored hers. his eyes were focused on her as he spoke. “and i’m sorry… for worrying you and i’m sorry that… you had to miss class and that you had to see me... like this.”</p><p>a frown settled on taki’s face as she looked over at natsume, whose gaze had averted to the soft bladed grass beneath them. his usual warm eyes were clear with shame and guilt, and she couldn’t help but feel bad for him. he’d gone through so much that neither the fujiwaras, tanuma, or her knew about, yet he still thought to apologise to her. sure, she was worried, but what she felt this morning was likely nothing compared to whatever he’d gone through yesterday. </p><p>“natsume…” taki spoke softly, wanting to make it clear that she wasn’t upset at him in any way. “you don’t need to apologise to me. do you think i’m mad at you?”</p><p>natsume quickly looked up at her. “n-no. i just… i feel bad for troubling you.”</p><p>“you haven’t done anything like that to me. ever,” taki assured him. “ever since we met, all you’ve done is help me. had i not met you, i wouldn’t be able to talk right now.” </p><p>a gentle chill sparked down her spine at the reminder of how she had narrowly escaped death. she pushed away the thought, shelving it away for a later time. </p><p>“but…” he continued. “this morning… with touko-san and tanuma…”</p><p>“we’re your friends, natsume,” taki reminded him gently and she saw a look in his eyes, one where sadness was entangled with… relief? “we’re <em>supposed</em> to worry about you. if we didn’t, then what kind of friends would we be?”</p><p> </p><p>natsume fumbled with his hands, running his fingers across the fabric of his school pants, unable to maintain eye contact.</p><p>“thank you,” he mumbled. “i... so much happened in the past day and i’m just… i feel like i caused everyone trouble when that’s exactly what i was trying to prevent.”</p><p>taki chose her next words carefully.</p><p>“what happened, natsume?” she asked. “you don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable, but if you’d like to talk about it, i’ll listen.”</p><p>natsume was silent for a few moments, eyes alternating between her and the grass. a soft breeze passed by them, causing the blades of grass to shift against each other. </p><p>“it started with… this youkai that broke into my home,” natsume spoke quietly. </p><p>taki patiently waited for the blond to continue and attentively listened to his explanation of the events of the previous day. </p><p>“...and now i’m staying with natori-san,” he finished with a sigh, looking less stressed. </p><p>taki slowly digested the information, pondering over how to respond. </p><p>“do you… do you plan to go back?” </p><p>natsume bit his lip gently, warm brown eyes narrowed as he stared at the grass before them. </p><p>“...i don’t know,” he answered to her dismay. “i don’t…. i don’t want to cause them any trouble.” </p><p>taki frowned at natsume’s answer. </p><p>“natsume, do you really think that?” the light haired girl questioned. “do you really think that they don’t want you around?”</p><p>natsume opened his mouth to speak, hesitance clear on his softened features. </p><p>“not… necessarily but… i’m worried, taki,” he started. “i’m worried that… i’m too much for them to deal with. i always have been, no matter where i’ve gone.”</p><p>the blond blinked away tears. </p><p>it saddened taki when she thought of how insignificantly natsume viewed himself. confidence wasn’t easy to come by, but for the blond, it seemed like he barely had any within his grasp. ever since she met him, natsume has been nothing but a pleasant friend to spend time with. she enjoyed the time she spent with him and tanuma, incredibly grateful for their presence in her life. </p><p>she wondered if natsume knew, if he was aware of how kind he was. the blond always went out of his way to offer help to others, whether it be youkai or humans. he was always placing the needs and emotions of others before himself; it was rare for him to place his needs before others. natsume was possibly the most considerate person that taki had the pleasure of meeting, yet, here he was, teary eyed at the thought of returning home and possibly being a burden to his foster parents who so dearly cared for him.  </p><p>“natsume… i feel like… if you saw the look on touko-san’s face, you would be able to understand just how much you’re cared for,” taki said, resting her cheek on her knee so that she could look at the blond. “she was so worried about you. i know that makes you feel guilty but… that’s also a sign of how much she cares for you. having someone worry about you isn’t always a bad thing, natsume.” </p><p>taki gazed at natsume as he averted his eyes to the ground again, at a loss for words. </p><p>taki was curious as to how much she’d be able to learn about natsume. on the surface, he was gentle and kind, careful of how he conducted himself. when they first met, he was a bit of a mystery, a feeling that continued even as she befriended him.</p><p>natsume was cautious, she learned. he appeared friendly, and he was, but she knew that there was more to him than he allowed others to see. there were so many layers to him that the blond kept hidden away and she wondered if he’d ever let anyone see underneath it all. </p><p>taki recalled the conversation she had with tanuma, the one where they discussed who was allowed to learn of natsume’s secret ability. she’d learned that day that the blond kept it hidden from others, not solely because of the looks he would receive, but more so of the effect it would have on <em>others.</em> natsume kept so much of himself hidden, locked away from others so he could protect them. </p><p>taki wished that she could tell him that people didn’t need as much protection as he believed. she knew that he was afraid, that he feared others would get hurt because of his existence. or, arguably just as bad, he was terrified that they might leave him. </p><p>“i…” natsume finally said after a long moment of silence. “i want to go back home, taki, but i’m scared.” </p><p>“i think you should read what’s in the letter, natsume,” taki suggested. </p><p>the girl handed him the envelope again and natsume stared at it, hesitancy clear in his eyes.</p><p>"natsume," she said firmly, but with care. "if the fujiwaras thought you were troublesome, would you have lived with them? would touko-san have come all this way looking for you?"</p><p>natsume didn't answer.</p><p>"all the things they do… it's because they care about you, natsume, not just because that's what they should do," taki reassured him gently. "i didn't get to speak with her for long, but… i could tell that touko-san cares about you a <em>lot."</em> </p><p>taki could see tears well in natsume's eyes and she reached over to place the envelope in natsume's hand, gently squeezing it. </p><p>"they care about you and love you, natsume," the light haired girl said softly. </p><p>the blond muttered a quiet 'thank you' and the girl let go of his hand, moving to pull her knees to her chest. she looked away as natsume opened the envelope to read its contents. </p><p>natsume pulled the sheet of paper out of the envelope with shaky hands. he willed himself to remain calm. </p><p>unfolding the crisp paper, he started to read it. </p><p>
  <em>dear takashi,<br/>
wherever you are, shigeru-san and i hope that you're okay. neither of us expected you to be gone when we went to check on you. we thought that maybe you had left to go to school earlier than usual, but shigeru-san noticed the note on your desk. </em>
</p><p><em>we read it and… we were heartbroken to learn that you feel that way about yourself, takashi. we've never once saw you as someone we didn't want in our lives. ever since you moved in, we both feel that our lives have been brighter. we look forward to sharing meals with you, talking with you, and learning more about you. whenever i have to say goodnight to you, i always feel a bit sad, but then i remember that we get to see you in the morning again.</em> </p><p>the ink became blurred as tears silently fell from natsume's eyes and onto the letter. </p><p>
  <em>wherever you are, we hope you're safe and happy, that's what's most important to us. it's okay if you don't want to come back, we won't force you to do anything you don't want to. but we want you to know that we've never, not once, seen you as troublesome. shigeru-san and i are so glad to have met you and we enjoyed the time spent with you. please remember that, takashi. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>if you ever change your mind, please know that you are always welcome to come back. we love and miss you dearly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>love,<br/>
touko.</em>
</p><p>natsume brought a shaky hand to his eyes, wiping the tears that wouldn't stop falling, quiet sniffles following. </p><p>at the sound, taki turned to look at natsume, seeing that he'd finished reading the letter. gently, she placed a hand on his back, patting it softly as an attempt to comfort him. </p><p>"i want to go back… taki…" natsume said between quiet sobs. </p><p>the light haired girl smiled, nodding. </p><p>"i'm so glad, natsume," taki responded. "they'll be so happy."</p><p>
  <em>that's what you want, right, natsume?</em>
</p><p>/</p><p>it felt like days had passed as natsume waited for the last bell of the day to ring. he'd messaged natori to notify him that he'd be heading back to the fujiwaras' home, and that he'd go and retrieve his things after he met with them. </p><p>at last, the bell rang and natsume quickly walked out the classroom, making sure not to bump into anyone as he did so. </p><p>once he reached the exit of the school, natsume started to run, fingers gripping the strap of his bag tightly. </p><p>it was a hot day and he could feel the perspiration run down his face, but it didn't matter. he could bear with it, he could bear with anything at this point if it meant reaching his destination.</p><p>after what felt like hours of running, natsume finally reached his home.</p><p>panting, he knocked on the door, attempting to regain his breath before someone answered it. his heart was pounding and he wasn't sure if it was because of all the energy he had just exerted, or if it was also because of the anxiety that had a stubborn hold on him.</p><p>suddenly, the door slid open to reveal a familiar face and natsume felt like crying for the third time within twenty four hours. </p><p>"t-touko-san, i'm so—" </p><p>before natsume could finish his apology, the older woman wrapped her arms around him, the sudden action causing him to stumble backwards a bit. </p><p>"oh, takashi-kun, i'm so relieved!" touko cried, her grip tightening around him. natsume could feel the warmth that he'd associated with her. "we were so worried when we couldn't find you!" </p><p>"i-i'm so sorry," natsume mumbled, gingerly raising his arms to return her hug. now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure if they'd hugged before. maybe once? </p><p>"it's okay, takashi, i'm just so glad to have you back," she sighed, relief clear in her voice. "i was afraid you wouldn't come back. i know i said that we'd be fine with it if you didn't but… we would have missed you so much."</p><p>natsume was glad that touko currently couldn't see him, as he felt tears prick at his eyes. he buried his face in her shoulder and caught a hint of the usual fragrance she wore and felt comforted at the familiarity. she felt so warm. </p><p>"i'm… i'm glad to be home," he said quietly. </p><p>
  <em>thank you for being my home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>thank you for loving me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>i finally know what it's like to be loved now.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>aaa thank you so much for reading!! i hope that wasn't too sad, i almost didn't go with a happy ending but i decided it was necessary after everything (''': i love natsuyuu so much, it has such a special place in my heart now &lt;3 natsume is such a good person.... he takes on so much... when he receives support from his friends im just like... sob... sob... </p><p>but yea! i have a few natsuyuu fics in the works so those will definitely be posted some time in the future if i'm able to write them properly!!</p><p> thank you so much for reading!! kudos and comments are very much appreciated! please stay safe and take care 💖</p><p>you can also find me on tumblr @<a href="yutadori.tumblr.com">yutadori</a> 🌸</p></blockquote></div></div>
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